We’ve always been surrounded by nonsense; that stuff spoken by young children and that’s found frequently in red tape. Some people have hued out careers based on claptrap and gobbledygook and occasionally their output actually has merit. Edward Lear is probably the most well known writer of nonsense verse:
There was an Old Person of Burton,
Whose answers were rather uncertain;
When they said, ‘How d’ye do?’
He replied, ‘Who are you?’
That distressing Old Person of Burton.
When it comes to looking for a job you may feel that your chances are going for a Burton but perhaps you haven’t explored all the best places where companies advertise a job. When it comes to the whole job seeking situation there are times when a good Internet nonsense generator could become invaluable. For example; when you’re applying for your new job you might think that your name just doesn’t cut it. A new, more elegant go-getting name could be the order of the day. If you’re thinking about something traditional then try out the:
Regency Name Generator
Enter your first name and surname and this site will give you an authentic sounding Regency period name. Try it out.
Of course, there’s always the job you definitely don’t want but sometimes it’s fun to send in a spoof application. For this you need a new, untraceable name and considering the upcoming release of the new ‘Hobbit’ films I’d recommend the tried and tested:
Hobbit Name Generator
Just call me Togo Knotwise of Michel Delving! As with the Regency Name Generator you enter your first name and surname and it will regale you with your Hobbit name. Try it out.
Then there’s your address. Get hold of your spoof application and fire up the:
Fantasy Name Generator
This site covers lots of name generation and has many customisable features. Use this to create your fictional, fantasy address. Try it out.
Basic details completed, it’s time to fill in the‘why-are-you-the-best-person-for-the-job?’ Despite the careers adviser’s telling you this is the best bit of the form I always find this section drags. Perhaps I could use help from the:
Arty Bollocks Generator
Fed up of meaningless nonsense and la-di-dah twaddle spouted by certain critics and allegedly high brow intellectuals? You can’t beat them so why not join them? You could use this site to fill in your form but don’t blame me if you don’t hear back! Try it out.
When your talents have been recognised and you’re got your new start date you need to resign from your current position. If you’re feeling less than charitable towards your boss then you may benefit from a quick dip into the:
This site randomly generates crude insults, many of them offensive and potentially useful for the disgruntled employee. Try it out.
With your departure from your old job satisfactorily carried out – I bet you enjoyed getting that off your chest – you need to make a good impression among your new colleagues. If you think they’ll like a bit of geek chic, give this a try:
Surreal Phrase Generator
With phrases like ‘I am a hollow sofa’, you’re bound to get in with the cool (and geeky) crowd. Try it out.
Occasionally, there’ll be times when there are more downs than ups and you’ll need help to write your very own sad, sad song. Get out your ol’ gee-tar and strum along to something from the:
Country Western Song Generator
It has lyrics for every situation.
“I met her on probation sort of pregnant;
I can still recall the neon sign she wore;
She was drinkin’ Dr. Pepper with a wetback,
and I knew she’d bought her dentures in a store.”
After work you may find you want to host a dinner party for your colleagues. If you want to wow them with new cocktail then try out the:
Random Cocktail Generator
This potentially career-breaking web site generates a number of cocktail ingredients that may or may not make a tasty tipple. Be scared. Be very scared. Try it out.
Ah, work, that part of your life where you can fulfil your ambitions, strive to pay your way and build a future for yourself and your family. Outside of work there are a couple of bizarre nonsense generators that may make you think twice about browsing the net. The first is the utterly useless but arrestingly titled:
Type in whatever you want and it presents it back to you in a series of different, practically illegible, fonts. Try it out.
Where would we be without the increasingly outrageously antics attributed for fun to the legend that is Chuck Norris? Remember: What would Chuck Norris do?
Chuck Norris Random Fact Generator
“When Chuck Norris looks in a mirror the mirror shatters, because not even glass is stupid enough to get in between Chuck Norris and Chuck Norris.”
Nuff said. Try it out.
Guest blogger, Greg Coltman, writes prolifically about the weird, wacky and the wonderful. Sometimes it all gets too much, even for him